Wednesday, 23 May 2007

Thanks Bob :)

Mr. and Mrs. Hoffman are retired. Mrs. Hoffman insists that he go with her to Walmart. He gets bored with all the shopping. He prefers to get in and get out, but Mrs. Hoffman loves to browse. Here's a letter sent to her from the store.

Dear Mrs. Hoffman, over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and may ban both of you from our stores. We have documented all incidents on our video surveillance equipment. All complaints against Mr. Hoffman are listed below.

Things Mr. Hoffman has done while his spouse was shopping in Walmart:
1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people’s carts when they were not looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the restrooms.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, 'Code 3' in housewares... and watched what happened.

5. Aug 4: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.

6. Sept 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. Sept 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he would invite them in if they will bring pillows from the bedding department.

8. Sept 23: When a clerk asks if they can help him, he begins to cry and asks, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'

9. Oct 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, and picked his nose.

10. Nov 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, asked the clerk if he knows where to find the antidepressants.

11. Dec 3: Darted around the store suspiciously loudly humming the “Mission Impossible" theme.

12. Dec 6: In the auto department, practiced his "Madonna look” using different size funnels.

13. Dec 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browse through, yelled "PICK ME!” "PICK ME!"

14. Dec 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumes the fetal position and screams "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!"
And last, but not least.

15. Dec 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door waited awhile, and then yelled very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here?"

Which one is your fave?

8 comments:

Nomes said...

I like him setting off all the alarms at intervals, laybying m&m's and number 14 in fetal position screaming about voices....he he he

Megan (well der) said...

bwhahaha that is so great!!!! I love it!!!! deffinatly number 10 While handling guns in the hunting department, asked the clerk if he knows where to find the antidepressants. and number 8 Sept 23: When a clerk asks if they can help him, he begins to cry and asks, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'

Rinni said...

I love number 8 and 13! Really, why can't they just leave you alone?!

livi said...

I like the tent one, ingenious! :P

Clairey said...

I love 12 and 13! They're funny!

Bob said...

I'm gonna do em all!!!! Snicker, snicker.

Bob

Megan (well der) said...

haahaha i can just imagine that bob rofl

Deb said...

LOL!! Which to choose? I like 4, 8, 13 and 15...

Would love to see Bob do them!!